Posts Tagged humor

Are You A Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

Sorry, don’t know who to attribute this too, but it’s too insightful to leave unpublished.

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.

You are carrying a .40 cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer: Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?

What does the law say about this situation?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

(The last couple of questions were asked while bleeding to death)

Republican’s Answer: BANG!

Southerner’s Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!Click….. (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-Shock hollow points?

Son: Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain’t takin’ that to the taxidermist!

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Idiocracy

Wow, I just saw the movie Idiocracy starring Luke Perry and Maya Rudolph. You’d have to see it to believe it. It’s about Perry (Mr. Average) and Rudolph being placed in a “Human Hibernation Project” by the Army and waking up 500 years later when Perry is now the most intelligent man on earth. How did this Mr. Average get to be the smartest guy around? It’s because of the dumbing down of society. Too much TV, and too much playing to the dumbest of the dumb. It seems like a audio/visual prediction of the future and it seems to be coming true. Read a book!

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Good Luck Chuck

It’s no secret that I like movies. Action movies, comedies, dramas, even the occasional horror movie are a way for me to take a 2 hour mini-vacation. Some are a good way to take the mini-vacation and some are not so good, but “Good Luck Chuck” starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba ranks among the good ways.

I’m not going to give a full review here, I’m just going to say that if you like romantic comedies you’ll like “Good Luck Chuck”. Women like it for the love story and men….well, it’s got Jessica Alba. It’s good fun and worth the ticket price.

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